Dear God, Grant Me One Good Date.

Bad dates are rampant, and the only people we have to blame are ourselves. We just don’t think outside the box. For a lot of us, just steeling ourselves to make a move is is hard enough. It’s no wonder we go for the low hanging fruit; the standard dates like dinner and a movie. We end up with a history of rotten dates, boring dates, horrific dates, and dates that were just okay. We blame it on incompatibility, or we blame the other person. Once in awhile we might blame ourselves, but that’s no fun at all. We never stop to think that it could be the date itself that undermined us.

We've all been on this date before.

Incompatibility be damned, you should still be able to go out and enjoy yourself with someone who is not the love of your life. So why isn’t this happening more often?

Problem #1: Too much talking, or rather, too much pressure to talk. If you’re out to dinner with someone and you don’t hit it off right away, you find yourself eyeing the door, bracing yourself for the long night ahead of you. For a first date, you never want to choose something where the sole activity is “talking to each other.”

Pitfalls include: dinner, picnics, long walks, or scenic drives. Dinner is standard, picnics are cute, long walks are romantic, and they’re all great for second, third, fourth, fifth dates. On the first date, they put too much pressure on both parties to be interesting, witty, and engaging. If you’re naturally witty and engaging, congratulations and I don’t know why you’re reading this; you probably do fine on first dates. For a lot of other people, however, it takes practice, and can be extremely draining if the other person is feeling the strain too. Like I said, If you don’t hit it off immediately, you’ve got a long and very mediocre night ahead of you, at best.

Problem #2: Not enough talking; dates where, at the end of the night, you’re hardly any more familiar with each other than you were when you started.

This is not a date, this is lame.

Pitfalls include: movies, concerts, and most sporting events. Any date where your attention is entirely on something else may as well not be a date at all. They might seem like a step up from the No Thought Required dinner plans, but they’re still fairly standard, and are all the more confusing because you might think you enjoyed the date, when it turns out you actually only enjoyed watching your favorite sports team play.

Beware of the double-threat, Dinner and a Movie date. First you sit in silence for two hours, afraid to laugh because your date might think you’re a low-brow moron, and then it’s like having to start the date all over again when you go to dinner afterwards. If first dates are difficult and awkward, why would you want to have what amounts to two first dates in one night, with the same person? You’re just piling on the problems.

The most important thing to do when orchestrating an interesting and original date is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. The date you propose should be something you think the other person will enjoy. This is a trade off, because if they agree, you’re still getting what you want, with is to spend time with them. You have to sweeten the deal by showing you thought about the other person’s preferences.

For instance: ladies, you might love to spend the afternoon glazing personalized coffee mugs at the ceramics shop, but statistically speaking, a male date would be none too thrilled with this prospect. The pool hall or the bowling alley would probably be more enticing, and not just because he’ll have a better view of your backside. Spacial prowess has been linked directly to testosterone, and most men enjoy the opportunity to exercise their skills. On the other hand, gentlemen, estrogen has been directly linked to visual acumen and fine motor skills, so while those detail oriented activities may not be your forte, women tend to enjoy them. Now knowing that a woman might love to glaze a coffee mug, why not take Plaster Funhouse off the list of things you’ve outgrown, and add it to your date repertory?

That's more like it.

Both the pool hall and the ceramics shop offer absorbing activities that don’t require all of your attention all the time, leaving you the opportunity to get to know each other casually. A shared activity gives you something to talk about when you can’t quite recall that riveting and hilarious anecdote you have stashed somewhere in the back of your mind. When the pressure is off you to be the evenings entertainment, it’s easier to relax and be yourself. PLus, you might get a coffee mug out of it, so it’s win-win.

In the comments on “For Dudes Who can’t Get Chicks,” a few questions came up that led to generating some different ideas for dates that combine activity with opportunity for discourse.

Go ahead, get fancy.

1. Horse Racing. A lot of people have never been to a race track. Find one nearby, and make a day of it. You can generally bet as low as two dollars, and then you both have an invested interest in the outcome of the days activities.

2. Local Tourist Activities. There might be a hiking trail, or white water rafting, or parasailing nearby. Odds are you’ve never bothered to check these things out, but they can be great for dates, depending on the other person’s preferences.

Good wine won't go amiss.

3. Wine Tasting: just enough of a variation on the dinner theme to be interesting for dates who might refer something more sedate. There’s no reason to try to impress each other with your knowledge; just enjoy the opportunity to enjoy some delicious wines and learn something. On the plus side, a bit of wine will loosen your tongue, which is great for conversation. Just don’t overdo it.

4. Team Poker. Rustle up a couple friends, turn it into a double/triple date, and team up to try to clean the other couples out. A twenty dollar buy-in is cheap compared to fine dining, and like with the races, you both have an invested interest in the outcome. Not only that, but you have a reason to sit side by side and whisper conspiratorially. Not many dates offer that, actually, but with this date, it’s required.

By making the date fun, not awkward, and mutually enjoyable, you increase your chances of connecting with that person.  Even if they’re not the one, at least you still had fun.

 

Your turn: If someone proposed any of these dates, do you think you would be more inclined to take a chance and say yes?

 

 

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