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Sex and the City 2

December 6, 2010

I made up for seeing one good movie by watching Sex and the City 2, which just about counterbalances every good film ever made with its sheer suckitude.  I did not pick this movie out, before you blame me for wasting a dollar on what promised beyond doubt to be one of the worst films ever produced.  However, unlike most bad films, which I simply turn off, I watched the entire thing, and I was trying to figure out why.  As I watched it I realized that the problem was that there was an actual story, and it wasn't entirely bad.  Mindblowingly original, no.  But there was a driving conflict, much as the film struggled to stifle it under fifteen tons of OMG-Girls-Just-Wanna-Have-Fun!

Carrie McSuperFab at some point in the history of Sex and the City married the man of her dreams, Rich-o McAlsoFab, but tragically, after two years of married life, he no longer wants to accompany her to fabulous parties and glitzy events.  He just wants to stay at home and watch TV.  And you know what, I agree that that sucks.  So I was glad when Carrie popped a verbal cap in his ass and forced him to attend to his half of the relationship.  I think it's a perfectly decent premise for a movie.  Unfortunately, after that brief nod to plot development, the rest of the film degenerated into someone's bedtime fantasy : "Oh my god, wouldn't that be so great if I got to wear this awesome dress, and then go to a red carpet event, and then, oh, I know, I would get invited to be the empress of Abu Dhabi for a week, and have sexy hunks wait on me hand and foot, and wear all these SUPERFAB outfits!  Let me think about what I would wear…"  Meanwhile, I'm sitting on the couch waiting for the story to resume, and in the meantime wondering in what reality it would be sensible to wear a one-sleeved, off the shoulder rayon pantsuit to go camel riding in the goddamn desert.  For one thing, hello, tan lines?  I thought the Fab Force Four woud at least care about that.  And this is after McSuperFab complains that she's not dressed for camel riding.

In fact, the magnitude of suck defies recapitulation.  I've actually pissed myself off thinking about this movie.  I mean, I can find a dollar in the street, but those two hours are GONE FOREVER.  And I know I've already posted a rant about the depiction of homosexuals in the media, but while other minority representation seems to have been shelved for the time being, people are so forward about homosexual representation that it's actually backwards.   I mean come on.  "Her gay best friend is marrying my gay best friend!" like they belong in the specific subset "Gay" of the category "Friend", wherein they might achieve "best" status, but are excluded from ever being just plain "friend."  Would anyone ever proudly announce "My black best friend is marrying her black best friend!" or "My Chinese friend is marrying her Chinese friend!" or "Her dwarf is marrying my dwarf!  Isn't that SUPERFABULOUS??"  It's fucking ridiculous.  I'm sorry, I'll stop now.  I have a preoccupation with the machinations of the media, and it runs away with me sometimes.

For some good news, I'm coming to NJ for Christmas.  My sweaters here were stolen, so please allow me to borrow some winter clothes when I come to visit!  I'm serious.  I don't think I even own any shoes that aren't flip flops right now.

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